What To Do When School Feels Hard?

If February feels harder than it should—you’re not imagining it.

Every year, right around this time, parents start reaching out with the same concerns: Motivation has tanked. Routines are unraveling. School feels like a daily battle again. And for families raising kids with ADHD or learning differences, this mid-year slump can feel especially heavy.

Here’s the good news: nothing is “wrong” with your child—and nothing is wrong with you. February fatigue is real, predictable, and manageable with the right mindset and supports.

Let’s talk about why this happens—and more importantly, how you can help your child (and yourself) reset with compassion, clarity, and confidence.

Why February Hits So Hard (Especially for ADHD Brains)

By February, the school year has lost its shine.

• Winter break is long gone

• Spring break still feels forever away

• The weather limits outdoor time and social connections

• There are fewer “fun” milestones to look forward to

• Grades and progress reports start to feel more permanent and stressful

For kids with ADHD, this is the perfect storm.

ADHD brains thrive on novelty, momentum, and short-term rewards. Early in the school year, everything is new—new teachers, new routines, new goals. But by February? The novelty is gone, expectations are higher, and the long haul sets in.

Add in less sunlight, fewer movement opportunities, and mounting academic pressure—and many kids are simply out of gas.

This isn’t laziness. This isn’t defiance. This is dysregulation and burnout.

When Motivation Drops, Parents Feel the Pressure

This is often the point in the year when parents feel that familiar knot in their stomach.

• Report cards arrive

• Progress reports feel more “real.”

• You start worrying about long-term outcomes

• You wonder if you should be doing more

And when kids pull back, parents often push harder—out of love, fear, and a desire to help.

But here’s the reframe I want you to hold onto:

Connection fuels motivation. Pressure drains it.

Before we talk tools, routines, or consequences, we have to start with the relationship.

Step 1: Notice the Slump—Without Blame or Judgment

The way we name the problem matters.

Instead of:

• “You’re not trying.”

• “We’ve talked about this a million times.”

• “Why can’t you just do it?”

Try a calm, matter-of-fact observation:

• “I’ve noticed school feels harder again lately.”

• “It seems like your energy has been really low.”

• “It looks like we’re both feeling more scattered.”

This isn’t letting things slide. It’s creating emotional safety.

When kids feel seen—not judged—their nervous system calms. Defensiveness drops. Collaboration becomes possible.

And yes, this applies to teens too (even when they pretend they don’t care).

Step 2: Validate What They’re Experiencing

Validation doesn’t mean agreement. It means understanding.

You might say:

• “It makes sense that this feels hard—this is the longest stretch of the school year.”

• “You haven’t had a real break in a while.”

• “A lot is being asked of you right now.”

Validation is powerful because it tells your child:

You’re not broken. Your experience makes sense.

That message alone can dramatically reduce resistance.

Step 3: Look for Hidden Stressors or Missing Support

When motivation drops, something underneath needs attention.

Ask yourself (and your child):

Are basic needs being met?

• Sleep (many kids need more than we think)

• Nutrition and hydration

• Movement and time outdoors

• Downtime and unstructured play

Sometimes the “problem” is as simple as exhaustion or dehydration.

Are demands increasing without added structure?

As school gets harder, support often stays the same—and that’s a mismatch.

Providing scaffolding is not enabling. You’re only enabling when you do something for your child that they can do independently.

If they can’t do it independently yet, support is appropriate—and necessary.

Are learning differences going unsupported?

If your child is working twice as hard as peers and still struggling, that’s a signal—not a character flaw.

Check in with teachers. Notice patterns. Consider whether additional academic or professional support is needed.

Step 4: Shift from “Goals” to Intentions

Many ADHD kids shut down around the word goal.

Why? Because past “goals” often came with pressure—and disappointment.

Instead, try intentions.

An intention:

• Allows flexibility

• Encourages reflection instead of quitting

• Keeps kids “in the game” even when they wobble

Remember: ADHD brains experience time as now or not-now. Long-term goals don’t motivate the way we expect them to.

Focus on:

• This week

• Today

• The next small step

Progress happens in short, visible wins.

Step 5: Rebuild Momentum—One Small Win at a Time

When everything feels overwhelming, smaller is better.

Choose one area to focus on:

• Turning in assignments

• Morning routines

• One class that feels hardest

Layer in support:

• Visual checklists

• Timers

• Reminders

• Accountability check-ins

And here’s a powerful strategy: habit stacking.

Attach new routines to existing ones:

• Homework right after snack

• Gratitude during bedtime routines

• Packing backpacks while brushing teeth

You’re anchoring new habits to something that already exists—which reduces cognitive load.

Step 6: Give Them Something to Look Forward To

Kids (and adults!) need hope points.

Plan something—anything:

• A special meal together

• A creative project

• A short outing

• A family movie night

Look at the school calendar together:

• Early dismissal days

• Field trips

• Days off

Make it visual. Cross off days.Let them see time moving forward.

Anticipation boosts mood—and motivation.

Why Connection Matters More Than Any Strategy

Research continues to show what parents intuitively know: kids do better when they feel like they matter.

In Mattering, Jennifer Wallace explores how feeling seen and valued directly impacts motivation, resilience, and wellbeing.

And in What Happened to You?, we’re reminded that connection and community are central to healing and growth—for kids and adults alike.

No tool will work if the relationship isn’t solid.

Staying Grounded as a Parent (This Part Matters Too)

Your nervous system sets the tone.

If you’re dysregulated, the conversation will go sideways—every time.

Before problem-solving:

• Pause

• Breathe

• Get curious instead of assuming

And please normalize this for yourself:

January plans falling apart is part of being human.

This isn’t failure. It’s feedback.

Use February as a reset—not a reckoning.

Revisit:

• Your expectations

• Your routines

• Your communication patterns

Even choosing one intention—like softening your tone or asking more questions—is meaningful progress. And remember: self-compassion is contagious. When kids see you practicing it, they learn to do the same.