Why the Holidays Feel So Hard for Kids With ADHD (and What Helps)

The holiday season with time off from school has arrived, and with it, a mix of excitement, exhaustion, and big emotions for everyone in the family.

If you’re parenting a child or teen with ADHD, you may already be bracing yourself. More time together. Fewer routines. Extra stimulation. Big expectations. And emotions that seem to come out of nowhere.

You are not imagining it; this is very common.

The holiday season can be especially challenging for kids with ADHD, particularly when it comes to emotional regulation. Today, we’re talking about why this happens and, more importantly, how you can support your child (and yourself) with empathy, clarity, and confidence over the next few weeks.

Our goal isn’t perfection. It’s connection.

Why Emotional Regulation Is So Closely Linked to ADHD

One of the most important things for parents to understand is this:

Emotional regulation is deeply connected to ADHD.

Children and teens with ADHD often:

• Feel emotions more intensely

• Struggle to pause before reacting

• Have difficulty shifting gears once upset

• Appear “overreactive” compared to peers

This isn’t a character flaw. It’s neurology.

What’s Happening in the ADHD Brain?

To understand emotional triggers, it helps to understand what’s happening inside the brain.

1. A More Reactive Amygdala

The amygdala is the brain’s emotional alarm system. In kids with ADHD, it tends to be more reactive, meaning emotions can escalate quickly.

2. A Slower-Developing Prefrontal Cortex

The prefrontal cortex is responsible for:

• Pausing before responding

• Thinking flexibly

• Regulating emotions

• Using executive function skills

In ADHD, this part of the brain develops more slowly. Many experts estimate that kids with ADHD may function emotionally about 30% behind their chronological age.

So a 15-year-old with ADHD may emotionally respond more like a 10- or 11-year-old — on top of normal teen hormones.

3. Executive Function Challenges

Because executive function lives in the prefrontal cortex, challenges with:

• Emotional regulation

• Self-control

• Perspective-taking

• Problem-solving

are all intertwined.

Add puberty, academic pressure, social stress, and fatigue — and you have a perfect storm.

Why the Holidays Amplify Emotional Triggers

The holiday season brings joy, but it also brings novelty, stress, and overstimulation — all of which can intensify emotional dysregulation in kids with ADHD.

Common holiday triggers include:

• Changes in routine

• Travel, crowds, and noise

• Increased social expectations

• Family dynamics and comparisons

• Finals, projects, or academic pressure

• Less sleep

• More sugar and screen time

Even adults feel more irritable during this time. Now imagine navigating it with a nervous system that already struggles to regulate input.

Your child isn’t being difficult.They are overwhelmed.

Why Parents React Too (and Why That Makes Sense)

When your child spirals, says something hurtful, or appears “out of control,” it’s incredibly hard not to react.

Here’s the science behind that too:

When your child’s emotions escalate, your own prefrontal cortex can go offline. You may:

• Feel defensive

• Jump into fixing mode

• React with frustration

• Say things you later regret

This is human. And it’s exactly why learning to pause matters so much.

The Power of the Pause: Responding Instead of Reacting

One of the most powerful tools you have is commitment to calm — even when it feels impossible.

This doesn’t mean you ignore behavior or let everything slide. It means you focus on regulation first, teaching later.

Think of it this way:

You cannot teach a brain that is dysregulated.

Teaching Kids to Notice When They’re Becoming Dysregulated

Self-regulation starts with awareness, and awareness must be practiced outside of heated moments.

Help your child identify early signs of dysregulation, such as:

• Clenched fists

• Raised voice

• Tight shoulders

• Rapid breathing

• Feeling “out of control”

You can normalize this by saying:

“These are just signs your body is getting overwhelmed.”

Use Simple Signals

Many families find success with:

• A raised hand

• A quiet gesture

• A short phrase like “pause”

Nonverbal cues are especially effective because they don’t escalate emotions.

This builds metacognition — the ability to reflect on one’s own thinking — which is one of the last executive function skills to develop. Practice helps.

Create Space to Decompress (Before Teaching Anything)

When emotions peak, step back.

Encourage your child to:

• Take a short walk

• Move their body

• Use a fidget or sensory tool

• Journal or draw

• Sit in a quiet space

At WeThrive Learning, we often recommend creating a “decompression menu” — a short list of go-to calming activities your child chooses ahead of time.

And remember:

Conversations can wait.Emotional safety cannot.

Co-Regulation: The Skill That Changes Everything

Before children can self-regulate, they need co-regulation — borrowing calm from a trusted adult.

This might look like:

• Speaking slowly and softly

• Grounding yourself before responding

• Sitting nearby without talking

• Repeating calming phrases

Many parents recognize this instinctively with babies — rocking, soothing, breathing together. The same principle applies to older kids.

When you regulate, your child’s nervous system begins to follow.

A helpful reminder:

You can’t control their behavior — but you can control your response.

Always connect before you correct.

Building Emotional Regulation Into Everyday Life

The most lasting growth happens outside of crises.

Here are simple ways to build emotional regulation into daily routines:

1. Normalize Feelings

Talk about emotions openly.Use movies like Inside Out to discuss how feelings show up.

2. Practice Mindfulness Gently

Short breathing exercises or gratitude rituals can make a big difference.

Even very young children benefit from hearing:

“What are we grateful for today?”

3. Name the Wins

Notice and celebrate self-control:

• “I noticed how calmly you handled that.”

• “Thank you for taking a break when you felt frustrated.”

Positive reinforcement strengthens internal motivation.

Helping Your Child Build Internal Self-Regulation Over Time

This is a long game.

Emotional regulation is a lifelong skill — for kids and adults.

Think of it like learning to write your name:

• It takes repetition

• It improves with practice

• It eventually becomes automatic

Your role is to:

• Scaffold support

• Reduce shame

• Model regulation

• Stay nonjudgmental

Progress will not be linear — and that’s okay.

A Final Reminder as You Enter the Holidays

You do not need to do this perfectly.

You only need to stay curious, compassionate, and connected.

If this season feels harder, it’s not because you’re failing — it’s because your child’s nervous system is working overtime.

Take a breath.Lower the bar.Choose connection.

And remember — you are building skills that will last far beyond the holidays.

We’re so grateful you’re here — and we’ll see you in the new year 💛