Is My Anxiety Affecting My Child?

Parenting a child with ADHD often feels like living in a pressure cooker. You're juggling meltdowns, homework battles, emotional outbursts, and the ever-present worry: Am I doing enough? In the middle of all this, your own anxiety—quiet, persistent, and often overlooked—can begin to take hold.

And here's the thing: you're not just managing your child’s nervous system. You’re managing yours, too.

Many parents in our WeThrive Learning community have asked us this question:“Is my anxiety affecting my child?” The honest answer? Yes—but not in the way you might fear.

This blog unpacks how your emotional state shapes your child’s experience—and what you can do to create calm in your home, even when you feel anything but calm inside.

Why Are We Talking About Parental Anxiety?

We get it—you're exhausted. And we have been there.

• Many parents of ADHD kids feel anxious, overwhelmed, and on edge. Especially when your child’s behavior feels out of control, or you’re waiting for the next meltdown.

• There’s a lot to be anxious about. From social media to school pressures to an unpredictable world, the emotional load is real and heavy.

• Children with anxious parents are 7x more likely to develop anxiety themselves. That stat is from the Child Mind Institute, and it’s one that stops a lot of parents in their tracks.

But before you start spiraling, take a breath. This isn’t about blame. It’s about awareness, compassion, and healing—for both of you.

The Science: Kids Co-Regulate With You

Dr. Daniel Siegel, renowned psychiatrist and researcher, coined the term “interpersonal neurobiology.” Simply put, it means that your child’s nervous system syncs with yours. When you are anxious—even if you’re trying to hide it—your child feels it.

This is especially true for children with ADHD, who are incredibly sensitive to tone of voice, body language, and subtle emotional shifts. You might be saying, “I’m fine,” but your clenched jaw or frantic pace says otherwise.

And their brain reads that as danger.

Why? Because our nervous systems evolved to mirror the people we’re attached to. If your system is on high alert, theirs will be too.

This doesn’t mean you have to be zen all the time. But it does mean your emotions matter—and they’re worth understanding.

What Anxiety Looks Like in Parenting (It’s Not Always What You Think)

We often think of anxiety as panic attacks or constant worry. But in parenting, it can show up in sneaky, everyday ways:

• Micromanaging everything – because uncertainty feels intolerable

• Over-scheduling or over-accommodating – to avoid meltdowns

• Jumping in to rescue – because watching your child struggle feels unbearable

• Snapping or controlling – because your patience is fried, and your body is in fight-or-flight mode

Here’s the hard truth: These responses calm us in the moment, but they teach our kids that they need us to manage their discomfort.

When we try to “fix” everything, we unintentionally rob our kids of the chance to build their own coping skills.

Your Anxiety Isn’t the Problem—Avoiding It Is

Let’s stop here for a reframe. Your anxiety isn’t bad. It’s a signal—your brain’s way of saying, “Something feels uncertain or unsafe.”

According to Dr. Susan David, author of Emotional Agility, the problem isn’t the anxiety itself—it’s our tendency to suppress, ignore, or push it away.

And when we do that, the anxiety grows.

Try this instead:

Name it to tame it. Say to yourself: “I’m feeling anxious right now. I don’t like this feeling, but I can handle it.”

You don’t need to pretend to be calm. You need to model how to come back to calm.

That’s where the real magic happens.

How to Support Yourself (So You Can Support Your Child)

You deserve support—just as much as your child does. Here are a few practical steps to start shifting your internal world:

1. Build Your Own Toolbox

• Mindful breathing – Try the 4-7-8 technique (inhale 4 seconds, hold 7, exhale 8)

• Grounding exercises – Engage the five senses: What can you see, hear, feel, smell, taste?

• Movement – Take a quick walk, stretch, or even shake out your hands

These small acts help reset your nervous system and model regulation in real time.

2. Seek Help Without Shame

• Therapy (especially CBT or exposure therapy) can offer life-changing tools

• Medication may be a supportive option—there’s no shame in needing help to feel balanced

3. Repair After Hard Moments

Did you lose your cool? Yell when you didn’t mean to? You’re human.

Repair is powerful.Try: “I was really overwhelmed earlier, and I yelled. That wasn’t okay. Let’s start again.”

This builds trust—and shows your child how to own mistakes without shame.

Frequently Asked Questions

What if I have clinical anxiety or panic attacks? We see you. Therapy, medication, or support groups can make a huge difference. You don’t have to carry this alone.

What if I can’t stay calm in the moment?You don’t need to be perfect. What matters most is your ability to repair and try again. Consistency over perfection.

Have I already harmed my child beyond repair?No. Children are incredibly resilient—especially when parents are willing to reflect and grow. There is always room for repair, healing, and connection.

Final Thoughts: You Matter, Too

It’s easy to become so focused on your child’s needs that you forget your own. But your emotional well-being is a parenting strategy.

When you care for yourself, you create a ripple effect of regulation, safety, and trust.

So take the walk. Breathe. Ask for help. Cry if you need to.

You don’t have to be perfect. You just need to be real—and committed to growth.

Because when you learn how to manage your own anxiety, you teach your child something powerful:

Hard feelings are safe to feel. And we can get through them—together.

Additional Resources

Book Recommendations

• Emotional Agility by Dr. Susan David

• The Whole-Brain Child by Dr. Daniel Siegel

• Self-Compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff

Therapy Options

• Find a CBT therapist at psychologytoday.com

• Explore virtual therapy via services like BetterHelp or Talkspace

Want more parenting tools like this? Join our Facebook group: Parent Your ADHD Child with Confidence!