Why Is My Child So Anxious About Going Back to School?

Back-to-school anxiety is real and not just for little kids clutching their new backpacks. Preteens and teens can feel just as nervous (sometimes even more so), especially if they have ADHD or learning differences. The tricky part? They don’t always say, “I’m anxious.” Instead, you might notice they’re more irritable, shut down, or full of dread in the weeks leading up to that first day.

If your child is slamming doors, sleeping in later than usual, or avoiding any conversation about school, you’re not imagining it; August is peak time for school stress. And for kids with ADHD, the transitions, unpredictability, and academic pressures can feel overwhelming.

The good news? Your calm, connected approach can significantly reduce your child’s anxiety and help them start the year with more confidence.

Let’s break down what’s really going on beneath the surface and how you can support your child step-by-step.

Why Back-to-School Feels So Big for Preteens and Teens

Even if your child “knows the drill” by now, the transition to a new school year can still feel daunting. New teachers, new routines, shifting social dynamics, and higher expectations all land at once.

For kids with ADHD, this isn’t just about being nervous—it’s about how their brain processes change. ADHD affects executive function, meaning tasks like planning ahead, shifting between activities, and managing emotions take more effort. Add in the fact that the brain’s emotion regulation systems (the amygdala and prefrontal cortex) are still maturing well into the mid-20s, and it’s no wonder a new school year can send stress levels sky-high.

And here’s the catch—anxiety in older kids doesn’t always look like anxiety.

• Irritability instead of worry

• Withdrawal instead of talking

• Control-seeking instead of flexibility

Example:Marcus, 12, insists he “hates school” and refuses to get out of bed. His mom stays curious instead of pushing, and eventually Marcus admits he’s scared about managing his workload this semester. His dread isn’t about school in general—it’s about the long nights and late assignments he remembers from last year.

ADHD and Anxiety Often Travel Together

Research from CHADD shows that 25–50% of kids with ADHD also experience clinical anxiety. The two conditions feed off each other:

• ADHD can make school more unpredictable (missed instructions, forgotten assignments), which fuels anxiety.

• Anxiety can make ADHD symptoms worse (overthinking, perfectionism, avoidance).

Example: Laila, 14, keeps snapping at her parents the week before school starts. She says she’s “fine,” but spends hours reorganizing her backpack and rewriting her schedule. Underneath, she’s terrified of forgetting assignments like she did last year—and she’s trying to control what she can.

Step 1: Create Predictability Wherever You Can

The ADHD brain thrives on predictability. Dr. Dan Siegel’s research shows that structure reduces emotional overload because the brain doesn’t have to constantly prepare for the unexpected.

When the unknown becomes known, anxiety drops.

Example: Diego, 13, is panicking about the first day. His mom prints out the school map, shows him where the front gate is, and they do a quick practice walk on Sunday. Once Diego sees the building and knows where he’ll go, he visibly relaxes.

Practical Tips:

• Make a visual checklist for back-to-school prep: clothes, supplies, and morning routine steps.

• Preview the school environment with photos, videos, or a short visit.

• Ask: “What do you already know about the first day?” and “What still feels unknown?”—then tackle the top 1–2 worries together.

Step 2: Connect Before You Correct

When your child is spiraling, it’s tempting to jump in with solutions or logic. But as Dr. Becky Kennedy reminds us, kids can’t take in guidance unless they feel emotionally safe first.

Connection first—then gentle problem-solving.

Example: Aniya, 15, blurts out, “Everyone hates me,” after a group chat blows up. In the past, her mom would have said, “That’s not true.” This time, she says, “Ugh, that sounds awful. Want to vent or want help figuring it out?” Aniya feels heard—and opens up.

Connection Scripts (“Name It to Tame It”):

• “You seem really overwhelmed right now.”

• “I can tell you’re worried about messing up. That makes sense.”

• “It’s okay to feel nervous. Let’s talk about what might help.”

Instead of “Why are you anxious?” try:

“What’s one thing that’s been on your mind about school lately?”And then—pause. Give them space to answer in their own time.

Step 3: Normalize the Nervous System Response

Anxiety isn’t a flaw—it’s the brain’s way of preparing for a challenge. Let your child know their feelings make sense.

• “It makes sense your brain feels on high alert right now. A lot is about to change.”

• “Your body is just gearing up for something new. That’s normal.”

When kids understand what’s happening inside their brain and body, they feel less like something is “wrong” with them.

Step 4: Focus on Small, Doable Steps

Your job isn’t to make the anxiety disappear—it’s to help your child keep moving forward in manageable ways.

Every action taken in the face of fear builds resilience.

Example: Zoe, 11, is terrified to go to orientation. Instead of skipping, her dad suggests staying for just 10 minutes. Once there, Zoe decides to stay the whole time. That small win boosts her confidence for the first day.

Script:

“You don’t have to do the whole thing perfectly. You just have to start. I’ll be right here.”

Step 5: Model Calm and Confidence

Kids—especially those with ADHD—pick up on your emotional state. If you’re anxious about the school year, they’ll mirror that.

That doesn’t mean you need to pretend everything is perfect, but it does mean showing them how to navigate stress with flexibility and self-compassion.

• Take slow breaths together.

• Share how you handle transitions (“I make a list so I don’t forget things”).

• Celebrate small steps, not just big wins.

A Gentle Reminder for Parents

You’re not failing if your child feels anxious. Anxiety is part of life—especially during big transitions. What matters most is how you walk beside them through it.

With connection, predictability, and small steps forward, you can help your child start the year feeling supported and more in control.

And remember: even if they roll their eyes at your pep talks, your presence is their anchor.

Quick-Start Strategies for Back-to-School Anxiety

1. Preview the Unknowns – Visit school, walk through the morning routine, look at schedules together.

2. Use Visual Supports – Checklists, calendars, or even sticky notes can ease working memory load.

3. Connect First – Validate feelings before jumping to solutions.

4. Break It Down – Focus on one or two worries at a time.

5. Model Calm – Your energy sets the tone.

Even a small shift in how you approach the next few weeks can help your child go from dreading the first day… to feeling ready to take it on. The back-to-school season can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. At WeThrive Learning, we’re here to walk alongside you with practical tools, encouraging strategies, and a community that truly understands the ups and downs of parenting a child with ADHD or learning differences.

Follow us on Instagram and Facebook for more tips, real-life strategies, and encouragement to help your child (and you!) feel calmer, more confident, and ready to thrive this school year and beyond.